Waking up morning after morning to your child who you love like they are literally a piece of your own self and more sometimes. Mix this in with a scrap of hope, the tug of the day's responsibilities, and a swirl of apprehension. Not excitement, but apprehension.

These are the first moments of the school morning of a parent whose neurodiverse child has Pervasive/Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA).

It's the first day of the new school term and some part of you had hoped it would be different this term. You know they need you regulated, but your nervous system is f…

Can you imagine a system where a single recorded moment of your heartbreak is used as proof that you are an unfit parent?

As a community therapist, I witness an institutional reality every day that should terrify us all. It’s a world where child protection systems operate with unchecked power, moving goalposts, and weaponized biases; disproportionately tearing Indigenous families apart under the sanitized banner of "welfare."

The trauma of removing a child from a loving, safe and imperfect home causes catastrophic, permanent damage to their developing nervous system. Yet, children who grow up in state care are often subjected to far worse institutional abuse, only to be monitored and targeted again the moment they have children of their own. The cycle repeats, unchecked.

Amongst the chaos of the daily grind, we so often forget ourselves and our partners. Stuck in survival mode, we can’t think as brains shift to offline mode, we can’t think beyond how we feel and shut down in the overwhelm. As we turn to blame and shame, we lose accountability and suddenly our isolation is so crushing we can’t move beyond it. What brings back connection is more often than not, accountability without shame.

Today, we need to talk about one of the reasons as to why she is so alone. We need to stop dancing around it. In my clinic, over and over again, I hear the same devastating question wrapped in a thousand different stories:

Why are so many men so shit?

To me, grief and trauma is watching the spark in someone’s eyes go out. It is the painful transition of watching a capable, vibrant young person fade into a shadow of themselves. It is crying for hours or shutting down entirely, no longer able to smile an authentic, full-faced smile. It makes a person quick to anger and quick to cry; disconnected, isolated, and no longer recognizing their own reflection. It steals the capacity for joy, leaving a heaviness that sits unbudging, relentless, and suffocating.

The grief of raising children with severe disabilities and the harsh isolating judgement when that disability causes behavioural disturbances.

I see you. You are not alone.

Unmasking Care: Neurodiversity, Truth & Connection. A blog and eventually a podcast for clinicians and caregivers raising complex neurodivergent kids who need to finally hear from someone, a professional, who gets it. This life that means each day is a fine line between utter exhaustion and lots of love. We will explore truths we are rarely allowed to name let alone discuss; unmet needs, loss of self, grief, parental trauma and relationship breakdown. The hard parts with compassion, not judgement.